a lot.

I have been so MIA from my blog recently. I have so much to catch up on with photos and events...but for now here's just an honest lament of whats been going on in my heart and mind lately

"Better is one day in your courts than a thousand elsewhere; I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God than dwell in the tent of the wicked. For the LORD God is a sun and shield; the LORD bestows favor and honor; no good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless. LORD almighty, blessed is the one who trusts in you."
Psalm 84: 10-11

Life has been crazy lately. September is always a busy month when you're a teacher (welcome back, cultural festival, sports festival, etc) but I feel like all areas of my life lately have been on overdrive. I arrived at a place recently where my heart was overwhelmed and my spirit was feeling weak and vulnerable. Being on the other side of the world really elevates all of that.

When I faced overwhelming moments as a kid, my parents were right there to bear some of the burden. They would pray for me, hand me tissues, and support me through every bump in the road. Then in college, I faced the typical frustrating moments of anxiety and growth...and I had my strong and fierce web of friends right there with me (you know who you ladies are). We sat on the couch and drowned our tears in prayers, coffee, and sisterhood. 

So where am I now? In Japan. Thousands of miles away from all that's familiar...facing these real life things head on. Is is scary? yes. Are there moments when I ask myself "what the heck am I going to do?" yes. Do I worry and fear? yes. Does God know all the turmoil in my heart and love me deeply? yes. Is God full of grace, truth, mercy, and forgiveness? YES. YES. A thousand times yes. 

Psalms 84 is beautiful. water for the soul. Better is one day in the house of the Lord than a thousand elsewhere. I believe that with all of me. No good thing does He withhold. As humans, we desire so many crazy things.... but God knows what is best for us. He knows what we've been through and He knows what is coming. He is the father of light, the giver of all good things, the creator of this earth and the one who holds all time in his hands. He is the comforter in our chaos and the bearer of all our burdens. I am thankful I serve a God that never leaves me on my own.

This song came into my head this morning...my spirit sings it!

My hope is built on nothing less
thank Jesus' blood and righteousness
I dare not trust the sweetest frame
but wholly trust in Jesus' name 

On Christ the solid rock I stand
all other ground is sinking sand
all other ground is sinking sand

When darkness veils his lovely face
I rest on his unchanging grace
In every high and stormy gale
my anchor holds within the veil