This morning I woke up to tragic news. 50 dead in Orlando. 53+ injured. Gay club. U.S Citizen. Parents from Afghanistan. ISIS. Guns. Terror. Panic. Chaos. Heartbreak. Anger. 

The words hit me with a sickening feeling. I left my apartment in a daze, not sure if today was even real. I stepped outside to the pouring rain. Pounding. Windy. The worst it's been in a while. It's as if the weather was portraying the emotions of so many grieving hearts today. 

I write this as an American citizen, living in Japan, observing America go down in ruins.
It is an eerie feeling to be on the other side of the world scrolling news channels online trying to stay up to speed with all the information swirling around...while the country I am in goes about their day per usual and I am left here a pocket of emotions about to burst. 

In a way it is relieving, to be so far if the chaos happening back home is all some horrific nightmare that will end any moment now and we will be awaken to a field of love, acceptance, and safety. I am tempted to feel that. I am tempted to shove everything negative under a blanket. Ignoring all that is happening. Focusing on where I am at right now.

But I have lived long enough on this earth to know that is not the answer. Ignorance is not love. Avoidance is not love. Apathy is not love. Walking away is not love. I am challenge more than ever right now, to kneel at the feet of Jesus and beg him for mercy on this broken broken beg him for peace amidst the beg him for guidance on where to go from here. 

God is love.

Jesus is the only answer.