Life. What a beautiful thing, isn't it?
As a kid, most of us imagine that the most beautiful moments in life are the happy ones. The birthdays, the new puppies, the Christmas mornings, the graduations, the Disneyland trips, the championships, the weddings, the new babies, the vacations. And true, those are all incredible moments in life full of joy and celebrations, but recently, i've started to realize something about life. And it is this : The most beautiful moments in life are not the happy ones, but the real ones.
Real? What is real.
To me, real moments in life are the ones you don't plan. The ones you can't control. The one's you don't always ask for, nor wish for, nor ever dream up in your head. The random new friends, the loss of a loved one, the job transfers, the failed tests, the broken bones, the divine encounters, the tear filled nights, the kind gestures by strangers, the unexpected laughter in darkness. In all these moments, the same thing happens. Your vision becomes crystal clear, the clouds part in the sky, the water settles...and you are alive.
That, my friends, is beautiful.
Two weeks back,June 15th, 2018 was one of those days for me. Those...life is so hard but so beautiful kind of days. Back home in the states, my family was preparing for my grandmothers funeral that was to be held at 10am. Meanwhile, I was in my apartment... a bit of an emotional wreck. This emotional-wreckage was coming from two places in my life...one being the deep feeling of homesickness in the pit of my stomach and wishing I could be there in the physical to honor grandmas life. And two...something I only have myself to blame for- the aftermath of a night out with coworkers and too much alcohol consumed. The worst case of drinking regret i've had in my 26 years on earth.
So there I was. Sulking because my body ached from the lack of control I exhibited the night before, and my heart ached from the distance I felt from all that was happening back home.
This is not your classic happiness moment in life- by far. But then, somewhere in the afternoon I picked myself off my futon and went outside. I walked to 7-11 near my house and grabbed a hot coffee. I came back inside, sat in my living room chair, started out the window and realized something...that all that pain I was feeling in my body and in my heart was creating this indescribable beauty. Isn't that weird? As a human, I felt so isolated. So full of mistakes. So weak. So tired. But in all of that ugliness and sadness, God was right there. And I was alive. And I was okay. And grandma was in heaven. And Jesus was still (and will forever be) King. Wow.
It was not a moment I had planned. It was not a day, nor night, I ever wished for. It was not orchestrated by my mere human hands...but it was real life. Real, unedited, raw, lay-on-your-futon-for-5-hours-no-appetite-LIFE.
So today, I thank God for the grace He exhibited to me...that same grace He has been pouring out on me my whole life. With that grace, I honor my grandmother, Jean Komae, in the glorious life she lived here on earth. She was a gem of all gems...wise, talented, faithful, steady, strong, graceful, patient, and loving. She is a woman I will always treasure, a lady I will always admire, a person I will always adore.